So many thoughts fill my mind today.
1. My sister is giving my niece THE CHOICE to come up to NYC for the summer.
It was never something that my 16 year old needed to choose to do.
I really wonder what the heck my sister is doing, thinking.
It all baffles me.
2. I had a breakdown yesterday.
I was watching "Away We Go" and I just thought it was another movie about a couple having a baby. However, it was much more than that. There was a couple in there that reminded me of Hubs and I. They had adopted several children and you could tell how happy they were.
Then it comes out, the wife suffered her fifth miscarriage and my heart sank. These people were us. Even though they had adopted, they still desired a baby born from them.
And it made me realize that I am the last infertile friend to get pregnant.
I started this journey with several women and they have all had babies, have adopted and/or currently pregnant.
3. I need to give my RSVP or Regrets for my IVF friend's baby shower.
Part of me does not know if I can make it through.
Part of me knows I want to be there for her.
Part of me feels selfish.
4. I have been through too damn much in the last 6 months.
My dad is dead. People forget that.
I see people talking about their dead parents on TV and how it's been years and each day they feel a part of them is missing.
This is my life now and I was not prepared for this.
I was not prepared to get pregnant a month after he died and then miscarry a little boy I believe he sent to me.
5. My aunt is being a b*tch about money and paying for the business taxes that my Dad and PaPa owe. That is not our responsibility! OKAY? We don't inherit his debts.
We have and are still giving more than we should because we are good people.
6. I have had a headache for the past two days. Do you understand how useless that made me on my days off???????
Thanks for the vent session.
What bothers you?
2 comments:
I love you girlie! I would like to go slap your sister and your aunt at the moment. It's time for them both to step up to the plate and do their part too. I see you giving so much of yourself to help all of them - and try to save them - but not a lot of appreciation and parenting.
There are lots of things that bother me - but the main one that gets me is that after all I went through to have my children... my own mother seems to have VERY little interest in them. I find that both frustrating and incredibly sad - not for me because I can take it - but no kid deserves to be on the back burner like that.
I hope you don't take that as me being insensitive - because I know you're grieving your Dad and my heart breaks for you that you are going through that. I love you so much and I wish more than anything that you didn't have to go through so much. I know the saying it that it all makes you stronger - but geez... I think you're strong enough! :-)
When there are lists, I just can't help myself, so forgive me.
1. Sounds like "the choices" that your niece is given have put her where she is right now. Not judging, but she should tell her WHAT she WILL be doing. Period.
2. It's okay to breakdown. It's healthy. And, honestly, I think anyone put in your circumstance would breakdown. It is all a bit much. I know you would agree.
3. Hmmm...that is such a personal decision. Whatever works for you...
4. I agree. I never thought this story would end the way it did...
5. Grrrr....I thought about you and your pops over the weekend. I thought about the DON'T QUIT poem I mailed to your daddy. And how he would want you to embrace all of those words now.
6. Sucks!!!!!!! I have been fighting off headaches for the last two weeks...
And you're welcome. Always here for the vent session. Love ya.
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