a certain someone told me that i have not posted on here in a day or so.
i guess i am tired of hearing myself whine.
we are under a great deal of stress. i cannot begin to tell you how much is going on.
it is once again testing our marriage. family, money, death, debts, business, taxes...
and as of late, i have been sad. sad that we still do not have a child.
i am going to a friend's baby shower. we met during one of our many IVF's. her last one worked.
i bought her unborn daughter lots of pretty things and at first, it was fun. then i started to get a knot in my chest, lump in my throat, you get it, right? i started to think that i may never get this chance and if i do, it does not seem to be happening anytime soon.
i prayed to God. i told Him that i was ready, very ready to become a mother. to make A a father. so on and so forth. i even bought a pair of bloomer pants? i will post them one day. they are precious. for a girl more than a boy but hey...who cares. seersucker! i put them in the the baby stuff cabinet and got really sad. i saw all the presents that my sis and mom sent us. they were so excited and then we lost the baby boy that my daddy sent to us.
ugh.
i cannot deal right now. back to my dinner of cadbury mini eggs.
x
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... being real is who i am.
About Me
- whisper loudly, shout quietly
- "Antoinette" here, but you can call me Annie (for short) -- Anthony was Pop's middle name. If you wondering why I chose this unique handle, that's why and it's the feminine version. Anyway, being real is what I do best, so I decided to open the book back up bc we want to adopt and our dirty laundry cannot be all over the internet. So, this anonymous place is where the airing will begin. All of it -- the good, the bad and the downright ugly.
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7 comments:
"Hold on... Cry, scream, feel sorry for yourself, snarl deep inside at all of those around you with the fat tummy you desperately want...then ask God to forgive you, and, of course, He does because He understands most...then, forgive yourself for those thoughts :)...and move forward...trust in God's perfect timing." Summer, this was emailed to me just this morning from a sweet co-worker that went through infertility years and years ago. I spilled the beans to her yesterday about my upcoming IVF. She wrote more to me, but this is what I want both of us to focus on :) Just HOLD ON! Love you!
aww...i'm sad for you :( I really hope that one day you guys will become parents. I'm sure you'll be the best parents ever, because you'll appreciate your child more than anyone.
I understand that those things make you sad. They make me sad, too. Y'day I went to buy some baby gifts for my friend and it really made me sad. We'd love to have a baby. Unfortunately we haven't been lucky yet.
One day we will be the lucky ones, I promise ;)
Give yourself some time to "rest" from all this stress. I think you need that.
I think how you are feeling is completely understandable, and you should be upset. I would feel the same way as you- sad, mad and thinking its not fair. I also think its very sweet of you to still go to all these showers. Not sure I would....
You are not whining, you have a lot going on and NEED to get it out. I completely understand how hard it is to go to baby showers. If you can go, great, if not, then try to not feel bad about it. You need to do what is best for you. I am praying for you, ((hugs))
i don't think you're whining at all! and, it may or may not be true that cadbury mini eggs are a cure-all :)
(i hope it's true)
xoxo, em
p.s. being true to yourself is the best thing you can be...no matter what that means or who that may hurt/disappoint/upset, you just stay true to yourself.
I'm with you on this one. It seems like babies are everywhere. I was invited to a baby shower this past weekend and couldn't bring myself to go.
Just makes me sad and like a loser. It's like what have I done? BTW--loving the acupuncture!
I had certain showers that I MADE myself go to and I was literally spent for days afterwards, no one there really had any clue how hard that was for me. I get it for you and wish I could make it easier!
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