y'all, i am seriously at a loss for words/thoughts/anything.
we had good news about my Papa and now the news is bad again. it's a long story that i will explain later but it is never-ending.
it breaks my heart to hear my Grandmother cry. hasn't she been through enough already? she lost her son 6 months ago, for goodness sake and now her husband may not come home and go straight to a nursing home. do you know why this all started? because my Papa decided that he could no longer smoke after he lost his son to lung cancer. a man trying to right a wrong ended up sicker than he was when he went into the hospital. i get his lungs are in bad shape but come on.
people tell me to pray. i have. my own religious Grandmother says God has abandoned us. does that not hurt your heart? how will she handle the stress?
and here i am helpless. what will help? what can i do?
why is my father not helping? why is he dead and gone? why is it always such a struggle?
why do i even think that being positive and optimistic will help?
someone tell me what to do!
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... being real is who i am.
About Me
- whisper loudly, shout quietly
- "Antoinette" here, but you can call me Annie (for short) -- Anthony was Pop's middle name. If you wondering why I chose this unique handle, that's why and it's the feminine version. Anyway, being real is what I do best, so I decided to open the book back up bc we want to adopt and our dirty laundry cannot be all over the internet. So, this anonymous place is where the airing will begin. All of it -- the good, the bad and the downright ugly.
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20 comments:
Its not easy, babe! I wish there was something I could say; something I could tell you. Just know I am here for you. I know when Grandma had to go the nursing home, I begged & pleaded with the docs to let her come home with me. There are some places that take couples together. I think they call them rest homes/retirement homes. I know it isn't ideal but atleast they wouldn't be apart. My mom is in one that like that. Because its not a skilled nursing its much cheaper. IDK if this helped or not...
Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.
xoxo
I can't tell you what to do. Other than keep pressing foward. I had a full on meltdown about a week ago. Wondered what the point is of pushing foward when pushing foward just means that life will probably hand me another stack of shit sammiches.
We keep going because we are built to hope that over that next mountain, around that next corner, we will be given moments that will make all the bad worth it. So I do as my granny always instructed when she said "Go where the good lord takes you".
Have faith and I will keep you in my prayer's (as always). ((HUGS))
I'm so sorry and your grandmother feeling abandoned by God truly does break my heart! I wish I had answers, but there are none that our comprehension can absorb, and that seems to only make it worse! No platitudes here, just lots of love and I'm so sorry for the depth of your family's struggles this past year!
I love you. Wish I were nearer so I could sit around with you and do whatever I could to make you feel a little better. Whether that meant cheering you up or bitching it out with you, I just wish I could help. Always praying. xo
I'm so sorry lady!!
Things WILL start looking up!!
Big hugs!!! Big big big ones.
I wish there was something I could say that would make everything better.
Thinking of you and praying for your family. <3
I wish I had some words of wisdom but I don't know if there is anything I can say to make it better except that you are always in my prayers and I'm looking forward to the day when all this bad gets washed away and only joyful things fill your world. *hugs*
I wish words could make things easier. Know that I'm sending love and hugs. xoxo
*all i can do is keep breathing....all we can do is keep breathing*
i wish i had some words of my own...but these are better words than i'd come up with anyway.
praying for you and your family...
xoxo, em
wish i could hug you and just let you get everything out...it'll get better =)
if i could fly to hug you, Id be there in a minute.
I'm sorry you're going through so much again and STILL. Keep praying girl. HE is faithful. Always praying for you.... <3
I actually just blogged about this today...
http://www.lemusingsofmoi.com/2011/04/face-your-heart.html
While Syd is saying "just keep swimming"...I am singing " Cause I gotta have faith I gotta have faith
'Cause I gotta have faith, faith,
'cause I gotta have faith-a-faith-a-faith"
Somethings we just won't ever understand. I'm so sorry for you grandmother. :-(
I think Spanky said it best?! I wish I knew what to tell you...but I bet you are starting to have doubts about my words...I would be. I just try and stay as optimistic as possible...but I know there comes a time when you ask WHY keep doing that????????
When it rains it poors sometimes. We always look for an explanation, but sometimes there isn't one. I ask the question WHY??? 100 times a day! All I know is that I don't know the bigger picture and how things will work out. I do know there is a reason why everything happens...what that reason is??? I have no clue. Is it good? Is it bad? I don't know....but it sucks and all you can do is hang on and hope and pray for the best. Everyone dies...whether you are 1 or 100...it WILL happen. It's hard to come to terms with that, in our own lives or with someone we love. It hurts and it sucks and it makes us re-evaluate our lives and try to live better (hopefully). I know we are not promised tomorrow and our outlook on life effects the way we feel and the things/people that surround us. Going on and on I know...I don't quite know what to say? Just that I will be praying, I do love you, and I hoping Papa gets better. <3 (I ramble....sorry)
I am thinking of you...
I have no words, and even if I had some they probably wouldn't be what you needed right now, but I am praying and thinking and hoping for a miracle sweet lady! xo
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