It's been awhile.
Life is at it again. It's being a biatch in the worst way.
One minute life is spectacular and the next it's a pile of crap.
I know you all want me happy and chirpy but honestly the only time I ever am is when I'm in class. Its a stressful time for sure but one of the best stresses ever.
The rest of my life is bleak and sorta a mess. I may lose my job, my marriage is way on the rocks and not the margarita with salt kind either. When I say things are bad, I mean it. No drama fo yo mama here.
I really wonder at times if life is pushing me in a different direction. Maybe I should not be working at that job anymore, maybe I'm not getting pregnant or carrying a child or adopting for a reason.
As I walked home from the subway tonight, I said a prayer. Sorta kinda. I asked God to lay off, that if he had something else in mind for me, to make it easy for me to figure it out. I'm tired of feeling pain and emptiness. Tired of emotional abuse.
I honestly cannot take anymore.
And tonight, I stored away my two tarts because I've been told if I eat them I'll get fat and that I'm not losing weight as it is. Yeah, I said it. Someone told me this. Okay? And well my heart is hurt and f'in angry about it.
I better sign off before I start throwing things.
X
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15 comments:
this saddens me greatly :(
bring the things that make you happy in class to other aspects of your life. maybe, more structre? rules? eh, i dont know doll, im bad at this.
It makes me a) heartbroken and b) incredibly angry when he says these things. You're worth so much more than that. Your tarts are amazing, beautiful, and I'm sure incredibly delicious, and you should be savoring the fruits of your labor (literally)! You are active, healthy, glowing, and strong, and there is no need for you to change anything about you (or your body).
I'm sorry about all this, Summer. I'm looking forward to hugging you in a few days, cause i love you lots.
A- you are NOT fat!
B- You should be able to enjoy your creations
C- I'm sorry your heart is hurting
D- I love you
I'm sorry too. Seems like there is a lot of sadness these days.
Look on the bright side. At least you weren't one of the people affected in Joplin.
I told myself that this morning. I'm trying to stay positive and you can do it with me.
I think you need to come visit :)
We could go hiking in the mountains. Mountains+fresh air+exercise=positive thoughts.
I agree with all the words eveyone said above. But, I have, I am walking down some of the same paths, and for that - I am sorry. For the both of us. Just know I love you....you really are NOT alone, even when you feel as if you are.
At least that is what I keep telling myself...I pray it is true.
You've been through a lot and that takes a major toll on a marriage, even the strongest, so I'm praying you can find your way back to one another. We had to go to counseling after our first loss and again this year with just so much going on, we were NOT coping well either and didn't want to be back down in the pit we were in when we first went to counseling! I'm so sorry, but you certainly are NOT fat! That is awful of anyone to say and I would slap them around if I were there! :)
I'm so sorry you're hurting and not being treated like the wonderful person you are. Know you are loved. <3
Awww, honey, I'm so sorry that you're going through so much. You are beautiful, inside and out!!! You are in my thoughts and prayers. There's a hope in my ♥ ...and it's a hope for you.
Sounds like we're both kind of in the same place. You know where to find me if you need to talk about ANYTHING. Good, bad or ugly.
I will be there soon, honey. Hang in there. I love you so much.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear this :( . Things WILL get better!
I'm sorry, Summer. : (
I hope you ate some tart anyway. They looked delish. :D
Sending you love and hugs
i'm so tardy to this post. love, i'm so sorry you're in this crappy place. sending peace your way...and so excited for you and culinary school.
I am just catching up on this one- and :(((
Hope things are better since the post. Is your work doing layoffs?
hope you ate the tarts and enjoyed them :)
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